I am completely insanely ridiculously obsessed

Caught Up

I skipped yoga again this morning. I skipped all studying today. I skipped the intern hunt today. I skipped an interview today. But I caught up on all things I've skipped out of since the new semester began.
I've really been stuck in a rut lately...for days my mind has been consumed in thoughts primarily regarding what the heck I want to do with my life. I am seriously feeling lost. Of all the friends, families and mentors in my life, there's not one person who can help me decide. Advice on this matter helps me none. I don't exactly have a lot of time to decide between my three paths, which makes it a tiny bit difficult. Any downtime I get is spent on all things mentioned in first paragraph. I'm tired of it! There....it's been said.
I woke up this morning and decided I needed to break the mundane routine I've had for 5 weeks now. I needed me some family time. I took Drew up to Nannie's office so he could get some good flirt time in. We were introduced to millions of ladies! A few of them have toddlers Drew's age. They seemed very content being at the office and away from their babies. Will I be that way? Or will my constant thinking about my kiddo prevent me from getting the job done?
Nannie took us to Fudruckers for lunch. I was playing kickball for Northwest Little League the last time I ate there (15 years ago?!).

We spent the rest of the afternoon at Grammy's and what a special afternoon it turned out to be. She inspires me in so many ways. I take so much with me when I leave her. And not just homemade cinnamon rolls (they are truly the most delicious thing ever - and made with walnut extract). She's been a great supporter of this "going back to school" deal. She's a talented seamstress who insists on making everything on her own, but still knows the importance of having a few pairs of Italian leather wedge heel Ferragamos sitting in the closet. Too bad they're size 5! She understands every aspect of my studies and it blows my mind. But she's fully aware of the grueling work that goes behind the scenes and has let me know this side of her thoughts. For the first time, I left her house more confused on my feelings than ever! However, I figured out where my "read a magazine from the last page forward" gene came from.

~Energy and persistence conquer all things~
Benjamin Franklin

The madness in my house only escalates....

The condo is officially done. I hope my hard work pays well. Its just funny this whole condo thing. Immediately flash backs come about of all the years I've known this place. It was 8 or 9 yrs ago when I was first introduced to this place, and Robbie as well. But the most significant memories happened between 2004 and 2006. The first renovation happened when we were parting ways from our 4 other roommates (8 if you include girlfriends and random party-goers ) off Duval. One night two of our dear friends decided to give us their input: our stairs would look "really cool" if the handrail was removed. Shortly after, the handrail was absent. Then it was decided that carpeted stairs were ugly so that had to go as well. I'd give anything to have pictures of this night - it takes too many words to tell the whole story. 4 years later here I am prepping and staining the latest addition to the condo - a custom made hand rail. I laugh (mostly curse) the entire time I do this.
Today we wrapped it up, photo's and all. We even showed it to 3 inquirers.
Reminded that our condo days are over (or not?) we drove around campus and reminded each other of stories associated with almost every block in the hood. We even make a trip over to Washington street, the most beautiful and widest street in austin. There you will also find Rob's favorite house - the Alamo house. Oh and the new zen center! Unfortunatley, I'm not so pleased driving around the area. All the new construction is cool - admit - but it's quite sad when you see so many austin/campus traditions being taken under.


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Holding a Regret

Its been 11 years now that I've been off beam, floor, unevens and vault (the latter of which I sucked). I can whole heartedly say that I don't regret many of the harebrained, asinine, moronic, obviously-immature choices I've made in life (and there are too many to count), because I strongly believe that every decision you make takes your life in a specific direction; I'm very happy with where I'm at and the direction my life is headed. There's a "but" to almost all pep talks and mine will be: but I do regret quitting the gym too soon. I felt regret pretty quickly. I remember my mama took me to see "The Magnificent 7" team (I was especially obsessive over Dominique Moceanu) and crying because they were so incredible. I always wanted that feeling, gymnastics gave me that feeling. Every 4 years I'm reminded of my love for the sport. Its a real wonder how I didn't recognize the passion in the moment. I continued to cartwheel through life- literally and figuratively speaking - just not in the gym. When I take my walks I balance myself on the curb and scale....so long as someone else is pushing the stroller. It was just two years ago when I was showing my niece how to do a flipflop in the yard....I wasn't 100% sure at the time, but I was pregnant! I'm notorious for hitting the gym a little harder after watching gymnastics. Do I think I can be some flipflop, double tuck, full layout elite? I like to dream but don't expect any truthf to come from it. Crenshaws is a fond fond memory of mine and its one I will cherish forever...and ever! Makes me feel accomplished, even if it was 11 years ago.
I look at the pool as I sit here and write; the lap lanes are full of little boys (I've never seen it like this). The lg's have made them share a lane because there are so many. Think Micheal has made a bit of an impact?
I look forward to watching Drew play his sports. Whatever it is he chooses, I hope it's one that leaves a significant impact on his life, a memory he will cherish for his ever and ever.
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Responsibilty Hits

Responsibility - The ability to respond.

I have a new outlook on responsibility as mine is growing at a rapid rate. I have a lot of it on my plate and while it keeps my life in check, sometimes I want to escape. One would suggest that this little break from school would allow me some time off from these duties but somehow stress has only increased. Thanks to the condo, my break wasn't such a break after all.

As my baby makes his transformation into toddler-hood, I give up some of those previous responsibilities of feeding, soothing, preventing crash-and-burn falls, lugging a 40 lb car seat around, etc. More than that, daily tasks go much smoother. Baths in particular - as long as I've got a watchful eye, I can open a book and read while he tires himself all the while cleaning himself. Brushing teeth isn't even a 15 minute struggle anymore. I lucked out....the kid loves to scrub those teethers, and does it quite well on his own.

But with those responsibilities out the window, more difficult ones arise. This is where the title of the blog comes into play. Drew is learning from every step he takes. I'm learning as well....I'm learning that I need to pick my battles already. I'm learning what ability, if any, I have to respond to his not-so-intelligent moves! This 23 pound 15 month old is testing my limits beyond belief. I feel like the words "no" and "stop" just rest on the tip of my tongue. It's hard to determine when to use them, as he gets his satisfaction off my reactions. If I have the ability to determine a perilous situation, versus non-threatening, and keep a consistently firm tone he's more likely to respond suitably... but much easier said than done when the boy is attached to your leg squeeling one minute, teetering on the stone hearth another minute, and immediately over pushing electronic buttons the next.

Responding to my husband is another ability of mine that needs improvement! But I'm afraid there's always and forever going to be room for that one.

My conscious effort for my personal well being this week will focus on my responsibility of being able to respond.

Om Namah Shivaya

Getting my Life Back?

I haven't done this in a long time. I guess the break in writing fits with the life of motherhood. Really, motherhood is not what got so chaotic. Life in general whacked out of place for a bit. I'm not even sure if I can say things are back to normal, because they're not. However, life definitely feels " right" now (for now).
For those that I don't exactly 'keep up with', I'll give a quick sum up of what's been consuming my life - leading me to be a pretty cruddy friend.
I had this crazy thought about me and my family's future. The fact that I had just quit school on a two weeks notice was eating at my pride. When it became impossible to find a job that I was 5 years over qualified for, I realized something must change. Otherwise, I was going nowhere, and if I "go nowhere" - my family will "go nowhere".
I met someone at a time that could not have come any later (or I'd still be where I left off in the last blog). He gave me a bit of hope but put things into perspective big time. I had to take one giant step if I wanted to make things work. With the support of my sweetheart, and weeks of on-the-spot decisions... In two weeks notice I was registered back to school. Back in Austin. Left everything we had "going" in Tyler.
I won't begin to talk about the up and down uncertainty of this whole deal because there have been too many moments where I questioned it. It didn't help that I had friends and family questioning the move as well. I just knew through all the doubt that this is what I wanted....and I had the support of the people that mattered. Many thanks to them.
I've finished 31 hours in 7 months and all the things I've experienced in that time have really made an impact on my self worth.
I feel more confidant as a wife and mommy. Unfortunately I can not say the same for my friendship capabilities! Lucky for me, I have those incredible buddies that make such an effort-to get me out, to make sure I haven't gone nutzo, to keep me up to date with the rest of the world.
I want to write from here on out. And I'm excited to do it....not sure how well I'll do when the fall semester starts. And you know, its really hard to keep up with your own blog when you spend hours keeping up with everyone elses! Anyway, I'm going to try.

"The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop people who don't want it badly enough." -R.P.

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